Polish your pitch: query hook tips for journalists

Stuck in query letter purgatory? The query hook, that first sentence or paragraph, is your golden lasso to snag an editor’s attention and land your story in a top publication. In this competitive landscape, a lacklustre hook can leave your story buried in a slush pile, never to see the light of day.

But don’t fret. Here are some tips to turn your query hook into a journalistic heat-seeking missile, guaranteed to find its target editor and get your story greenlit.

The human angle

People love stories about people. Data and statistics are important, but they can often leave readers feeling cold. Distill your piece’s essence into a single, relatable sentence that highlights the human impact of your topic.

Here’s an example:

‘Beyond the headlines of a failing steel factory, a small town grapples with the human cost of a changing industry, as families face lost jobs and a vanishing way of life.’ 

This hook personalises the economic story by focusing on the struggles of specific individuals and families.

Here’s another one:

‘Fueled by a desperate search for a cure, a single mother embarks on a scientific odyssey, challenging the medical establishment to save her daughter’s life from a rare genetic disease.’

This hook showcases the human story within a medical breakthrough, making it more emotionally compelling.

Building intrigue with unexpected angles

Editors crave fresh perspectives. And as a journalist, you know your angle is everything. It’s what makes your story unique. 

Flip the script on a familiar topic. Did a beloved local bakery turn into a hotbed of political activism, using their pastries as a platform for social change? Is a seemingly harmless trend hiding a dark secret, like a rise in “healthy” energy drinks leading to a surge in teenage anxiety?

Take this example:

‘While headlines focus on the glitz and glam of Hollywood, a growing number of child stars are speaking out about the industry’s dark underbelly, exposing a system that exploits young talent and prioritises profit over well-being.’ 

This hook takes a familiar topic like child stars and offers a shocking new angle, exposing potential exploitation.

Raise the stakes for your reader

What’s at stake if your story isn’t told?  Highlight the broader implications of your topic. Is it a piece that could spark social change? Does it expose a hidden danger, like a loophole in a data privacy law that could leave millions vulnerable to identity theft? One of the key tenets of journalism is that news stories are something someone doesn’t want written. What does your story uncover? 

Here’s an example:

‘With climate change predictions becoming a reality, a group of indigenous communities on the frontlines of rising sea levels are taking a stand, demanding action from governments before their ancestral lands are lost forever.’

This hook raises the stakes by highlighting the real-world consequences of climate change for specific populations. It creates a sense of urgency and a feeling that the story cannot be ignored. 

Show, don’t tell

It might be a cliché within storytelling, but the “show, don’t tell” advice holds. 

Ditch the dry synopsis and paint a vivid picture with your words.  Craft a sentence that showcases your writing style and the urgency of your topic. Is it a bustling courtroom scene where a whistleblower testifies against a corrupt corporation? Or a quiet interview with a refugee family, their faces etched with the trauma of displacement?

Don’t forget that your hooks can drop the editor right into the scene to give a feel of how vivid your piece is going to be.

For example:

‘The sterile silence of the courtroom shattered as the single mother, clutching a worn photograph of her daughter, detailed the agonising struggle to navigate a broken healthcare system that failed to provide a life-saving treatment.’

This hook uses sensory details and emotional language to draw the reader into the heart of the story.

Keep it concise

Pitches are the ultimate test of your ability to grab the reader’s attention and be readable. 

Remember, you only have a short window. Every word counts. In your average article, you only have a few seconds to grab your reader’s attention. In the crowded inbox of your editor recipient, you have even less time. Editors are busy people. 

Aim for subject lines under 50 characters to ensure they appear fully in their inboxes. 

In the body of your pitch email, make sure you mention their name or a recent article they wrote to show you’ve done your research and you care about their specific publication. 

Note that you can use Readable to test your emails. As part of our readability suite, you’ll have a unique email address you can send a test to and we’ll send your results right back to you.